My name is Donna. I am a grown arse women with four adult kids and a dozen grand kids. I don’t always feel like a grown arse woman nor am I the typical grand mother. I”m probably not the typical anything.
There are so many reasons why people blog – for me it’s my therapy (Bipolar 1 psychotic features – Major Depression and autism spectrum swinger). I’m also a full-time carer of my mother who has a brain injury and cancer. I took on this role a few years ago and was/have been struggling with many issues unknown to most.
So let me start by telling you some other truths about why I am back to blogging. And I will write it in order of ‘truth’. Oh I better mention here that for YEARS I have blogged and then whenever I had an ‘episode’ I would delete the lot…. hmmmm
This is my ‘coming out’ blog. This is the stuff I’ve needed to write for a very long time (37 years in fact). This is my opportunity to be selfish and true to myself – regardless of what it looks like to you. This IS my therapy. I have let quite a few people know about my mental health now and feel much more comfortable telling my truth despite what others may think.
I Love To Write
Plain and simple – I do love to write. I find writing is therapeutic and I also believe that I am making connections with others on some level through my writing. My mental health is improved when I write and connect to others through the process. When I write I don’t have to deal so much with people and their processes – it’s enough dealing with those of my own and the people around me!
I Think A LOT!
Yes, this is my mental illness – thinking about everything. Every. Fucking. Thing. All. The. Time. I do however seem to come up with some crazy good nuggets of wisdom through all this mental processing. And yes I also come up with lots and lots of crazy manic garbage that gets flushed into the ‘never never’ of my computer or the bin if it’s my scribbles, drawings and so-called art. Manic cycles see me being both creative and destructive – kind of like a really clever dog who can do amazing tricks yet still chases their own tail.
I Want To Connect – Safely
That connection thing again. So yes. Selfish as it is, I want to connect with others but I also suffer from some crazy kind of really really low tolerance for most people. That’s why I like writing and feeling some kind of invisible connection with the someone ‘out there’ who I just know will ‘get it’ – that someone who relates and feels the same way. Or even better – that connection with someone I can’t see but can feel that I have helped them and in doing so have helped myself. There’s that selfish nugget again. I say I want to connect ‘safely’ – which means from a distance because I have a low tolerance for much of the bullshit that involves people.
So I hope you enjoy my ramblings – if you don’t well then close the browser 😉